After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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