I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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