You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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