life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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