if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
