well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
