wanna go halves on a baby?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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