I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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