Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
