Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
