If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
