I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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