As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
