The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
