I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
