Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize