Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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