I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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