He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
