she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
