i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
