i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
