Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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