Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
