Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
