Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
