I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
