I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
