i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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