Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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