I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
