Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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