So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
