I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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