ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
