He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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