i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
