do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
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