So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
