I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
