There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
