My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
