my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
