rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
