What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize