wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
