he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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