I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
