Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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