my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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