My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
