I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
