So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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