Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize