So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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