i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
