If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
