Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
