After last night, I could never be a politician.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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