I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
