One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
