i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
