if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
