did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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