I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
