Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
