Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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