ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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