did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
