HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
If I die, sorry about rent.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
