brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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