Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
