We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
