the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
