just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
