Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
